Most days when I was in first grade I wanted to go home and be with my mom. I’d go into the bathroom in the back of the class and cry. I’m sure a lot of it was anxiety. But over the years I’ve dealt with not enjoying my time at school, no matter where I was: middle school, high school, or college. I simply wanted to do my own thing.
I suppose that is in part why it was so easy for me to get into punk rock, with its rebellion against authority. I hate having people tell me what to do and when to do it. I’m happy to take advice, but if I don’t feel the work is worthwhile, then I’m not interested in it. So it’s not surprising that in my work life I haven't enjoyed working unless I could do whatever I wanted. I need autonomy in my job to be able to act how I want and say and do what was important to me. That hardly occurs at most jobs.
It’s taken me almost forty years to realize that my best bet is to work for myself. I don’t want to own some large corporation with employees. I want to be my own boss and rely upon myself to push me to succeed.
I've spoken about this to my therapist—working for others seems to be one of the only things makes me depressed anymore. My current job situation is better than past ones. Until recently, my disinterest in work forced me to focus on living right in the moment. I had to not think ahead to the anxiety that working for someone else caused me. I had to harness the meditation and relaxation skills I learned over the years in therapy.
I often feel bad for not being thankful for the good work I have and how much has given to me. I don’t understand why in the past it drove me into the ground to get up every day and get on the subway and go to work with the masses.
I recall what my parents told me about how so many people don’t have it so good. I should feel lucky to be in such a fortunate situation. I was never taught that I can do whatever it is I want to do if I try hard enough. I would’ve loved to have someone encourage me in my writing when I was in my early twenties, or in my speaking at that time. I wonder who I could’ve been if I had a mentor that guided me and showed me the way in what I wanted to do.
But it’s better late than never and rather than complaining about things, I am becoming my own boss through speaking and running a tour business. it's not easy, but by being my own boss I find a joy I haven't had at any other job.
Have you disliked most of your jobs? Perhaps look at utilizing your talents into creating your own company or organization. It’s helped my mental health a great deal and is incredibly rewarding.
There has been a great deal written on loneliness in the workplace. According to some business experts, it is a plague affecting the American worker. Much of this has to do with the increase in telecommuting.
My problem with loneliness at work is feeling disconnected from my co-workers. One reason is because I work solitary jobs (tour guide, writer, solo librarian at a reference desk). Too, I have little in common with my peers: they are parents with long commutes or much older than myself.
At only one job since graduating college did I have a connection with others and that was when I worked at a record label. We all shared a passion for similar music and getting others interested in it. Yet, even then things seemed strained as I dealt with my depression and anxiety. Mental illness can easily cause one to feel lonely.
Still, the majority of the places I’ve worked I dealt with casual relationships. We joke with one another, talk about our families, share our thoughts on social and political issues, and at the end of the day we go our separate ways. I’ve always wished for closer connections yet they don’t develop. Without moving around to different jobs, it has caused me to not make as many friends as I’d like to.
So, how do we deal with these situations? How do we make friends when that all-too-often avenue of work doesn’t make itself available to adding new relationships where we find connection? There are other means available.
I haven’t felt the acute solitude in my career described in some of the articles about work and loneliness. A big reason is because I don’t telecommute and I have co-workers in my office. Yet the loneliness I feel is much more subdued and it’s possible I’ve internalized it by this point. I’ve accepted that I will only have superficial contact with others at my jobs.
As I recently started a new job I hope to change this, though. It’s through being open and expecting the best that I will try to make this happen. I hope you can do the same should you find yourself feeling lonely at your job.
I've rarely had a job I enjoy. Sad to say, but my favorite job was the one I had when I was 17 and 18. I worked in a record store by myself, got to do whatever I wanted (usually my homework), and listen to whatever music I cared to. This was in the golden age of CDs in the mid-'90s and business wasn't bad. My friends came by and spoke with me and I met some cool people, too. Yet the things I liked about that job then wouldn't be what I want today.
I find that my mental health often suffers at a job. For most of my life, I've had a difficult time with work. I've found it makes me depressed to have a job I don't enjoy. It weighs upon me to do mindless work. I'm most productive and successful when I'm on my own. I also work best when I do something that gives me meaning. It's taken me a long time (much longer than I would have preferred) to realize what I desire to do is to help others dealing with mental health issues. I want to do this through writing and speaking on my issues with mental health.
It's important that we do things that make us happy in our lives. I know it's not always possible that our work is in our dream field. Life has complications: health issues, family concerns, or geographical impediments. (If you want to be an actor but are stuck living in Alaska, it's hard to achieve that dream of the silver screen).
Yet, if I've learned much of anything from suicide attempts and mental illness, it's that life is short. Far too short. So I've been willing to set aside what may have been a "traditional" life to achieve my goals as they come to me. Attempting to find happiness and meaning is such an important desire. So much so that I was happy to forego a typical career, stability, and a regular relationship in the hopes I could find them.
It's hard for me to rest if it means that I am not close to my career goals. It means that every minute I'm at a job that doesn't bring me satisfaction is another moment I'm away from something that provides me with some meaning.
It's not always easy to find the energy to take up the struggle to meet my goals. Some days I would rather watch Netflix and sleep. But I keep pushing on because I yearn for something where I come away from my work day feeling happy and upbeat about what I've done. Which, in my case, means making a difference in the lives of others.
My hope is that if you are not doing work you enjoy, you will find ways to get to a place where you can. Sacrifices, moves, and time spent trying out a myriad of possibilities are worth it when you find the thing that makes your heart beat a little faster. They're worth it when you find happiness knowing that you're doing work that brings you meaning.
I tuck myself away from people quite often—not the best way to deal with loneliness. But I do so not to escape socialization (at least not entirely), but rather to work. Yet, there’s a part of me that can’t deny that a lot of this is because it’s safer to work than to socialize and try and meet other people.
I write, edit that writing, and then write some more. It’s reviews for Razorcake, the punk music magazine I’ve been with since 2005, or entries for this here blog post. Sometimes I’m editing a book or longer piece I’m putting together for another publication.
With writing and giving talks, with the extra jobs I take on (I currently have four part-time jobs), it’s all about keeping busy. I do this for two reasons: when I’m occupied with work I don’t think about how lonely I am, and also because time is of the essence.
Work is reliable. It rarely lets me down and the only person I have to please is myself. When I am deep into my writing or editing I feel productive and accomplished and that is a wonderful feeling. I also don’t have to acknowledge my loneliness, which can often leave me depressed—a road down which I don’t wish to go.
The past few years I’ve recognized that I’m getting older (just shy of 40). There are still too many people to help and things I want to do in my life. This includes spending more time doing something I enjoy: speaking about my mental health. There’s something about having a few suicide attempts in my life that cause me to want to work even harder at living in the moment and do even more.
I try and find time to slow down. I do this by exercising at the gym or doing yoga. I read, although lately I find it more difficult to find a good book. I enjoy vacationing and seeing historical sites, museums, and the outdoors in all its splendor.
Yet I can’t seem to slow down. And I know I need to. I need to find time to make friends and get to know others. It’s easy to stay in what makes one comfortable, especially when I can mask it as helping others. I’m putting them before myself and that can feel like a more noble route to take. Yet I don’t always follow my own advice about loneliness because it takes time too long to implement those practices.
None of this is to say I’m going to stop with my writing and speaking. Yet I have become more aware as of late that it’s important for my health to make connections with others. That can bring me joy in a different manner. A well-rounded approach to happiness is something that we all can use. So I’m doing my best to begin to attempt to go from “can’t stop, won’t stop” to “maybe can stop, should probably stop from time to time.”
This blog is an exploration of the subjects of belonging and loneliness. I also look at mental health issues. I seek to provide content to my readers that is informative and helpful. If you don't want to miss anything, sign up for my email list.