​I recently came across an opinion piece by Varun Soni, the dean of religious life at USC. It's about the importance of colleges in developing “the whole student.” This article hit on a thought I’ve had lately: what is the role of universities and colleges in developing a student beyond their academic education? And why should they take part or not take part in that?
 
For centuries universities and colleges stuck to teaching academic subject matter. But over time clubs and organizations formed on campuses. These could be fraternal or academic groups. Sports also became a part of the university setting. As medical schools became prevalent, health care became available for students on campus, too. The amount of events, organizations, and departments at colleges today would amaze students from hundreds of years ago.
 
Nowadays, schools also try to focus on developing students’ social lives as well as their mental health. It's safe to say we can agree it's a good thing anytime a person’s mental health improves. (That includes by developing connections and finding belonging with others). Unfortunately, many higher ed institutions appear confused about the degree to which they should support mental health issues. They would rather align their budgets with what brings in the money for the university. This often means athletics and entertainment.
 
Universities often pay a lot of lip service to wanting to develop “the whole student” but fail to do so. Sure, some departments (primarily Health and Wellness Centers) embark on programs to create awareness with the student population about opportunities to help make connections. But far too often they relegate these to some links on a website. (I saw one counseling center link to WebMD and Dr. Oz—the TV doctor. This is a horrible idea. Please do not turn to television doctors for medical advice.)
 
It’s not the fault of counseling centers on campus, though. They’re often strapped for cash, which is a shame. Nothing is more important in a human being’s life than their physical and mental health. If someone’s brain isn’t working well, they’re not going to be able to focus on school. From a practical, capitalist sense, it would seem logical to invest money to help students with their mental health. This includes the means by which they can make connections.
 
For many of us, our parents may have genuinely loved us. Yet many parents didn’t teach us how to make friends and establish connections. It seems like such a simple thing, but it can be difficult, especially when you’re a college student in a new environment and know few, if any, people. Thus, someone somewhere along the way is going to have to pick up the slack and educate students on this subject.

Some critics of wellness programs may find fault with the spending of money on activities such as those at USC. These are programs that try to make connections between students. It’s imperative, though, that universities and colleges educate and motivate students to develop connections. The time of relying on universities to only educate students in the academic sense is over. Schools have a responsibility to educate the whole person. This is if for no other reasons than a) it’s good for the university’s bottom line if students find those connections because they will be less likely to drop out and b) often students aren’t learning these skills other places.

That said, it’ll take a serious investment from higher education institutions to address loneliness on campus. This investment must be more than the lip service schools have often given the topic. Or, schools need to be aware of how loneliness (and to a larger degree mental health) fits into the picture when it comes to their strategic vision.

It’s not too late for schools to act on this, but it needs to become a priority. In doing so we can hopefully stem the tide of loneliness felt all too often by students and which is detrimental to their mental health.
 
 
Like what you read? Want to have Kurt come talk to your group about belonging, loneliness, and mental health? Click here to contact him about speaking at your event.

Most days when I was in first grade I wanted to go home and be with my mom. I’d go into the bathroom in the back of the class and cry. I’m sure a lot of it was anxiety. But over the years I’ve dealt with not enjoying my time at school, no matter where I was: middle school, high school, or college. I simply wanted to do my own thing.

I suppose that is in part why it was so easy for me to get into punk rock, with its rebellion against authority. I hate having people tell me what to do and when to do it. I’m happy to take advice, but if I don’t feel the work is worthwhile, then I’m not interested in it. So it’s not surprising that in my work life I haven't enjoyed working unless I could do whatever I wanted. I need autonomy in my job to be able to act how I want and say and do what was important to me. That hardly occurs at most jobs.

It’s taken me almost forty years to realize that my best bet is to work for myself. I don’t want to own some large corporation with employees. I want to be my own boss and rely upon myself to push me to succeed.

I've spoken about this to my therapist—working for others seems to be one of the only things makes me depressed anymore. My current job situation is better than past ones. Until recently, my disinterest in work forced me to focus on living right in the moment. I had to not think ahead to the anxiety that working for someone else caused me. I had to harness the meditation and relaxation skills I learned over the years in therapy.

I often feel bad for not being thankful for the good work I have and how much has given to me. I don’t understand why in the past it drove me into the ground to get up every day and get on the subway and go to work with the masses.

I recall what my parents told me about how so many people don’t have it so good. I should feel lucky to be in such a fortunate situation. I was never taught that I can do whatever it is I want to do if I try hard enough. I would’ve loved to have someone encourage me in my writing when I was in my early twenties, or in my speaking at that time. I wonder who I could’ve been if I had a mentor that guided me and showed me the way in what I wanted to do.

But it’s better late than never and rather than complaining about things, I am becoming my own boss through speaking and running a tour business. it's not easy, but by being my own boss I find a joy I haven't had at any other job. 
 
Have you disliked most of your jobs? Perhaps look at utilizing your talents into creating your own company or organization. It’s helped my mental health a great deal and is incredibly rewarding.

​There has been a lot written on the importance of being thankful. I think about things that make me grateful from time to time. Writing in a journal and being a reflective person gives me the ability to see how far I’ve come in my journey. And I acknowledge I’ve been a very fortunate person who has received benefits in life that many don’t receive. And for that alone I’m grateful. But in that spirit of gratitude I want to list a few things for which I am thankful. My hope is that this will prompt you to take a moment to acknowledge thankfulness in your own life, which might in turn lead to some happiness.

1. Medication and therapy
I know medication for depression and anxiety isn’t for everyone, but I’m convinced if I wasn’t on meds I’d be dead. I believe this because the time I tried to go off it in a responsible way with the help of my psychiatrist, I ended up in the hospital. Therapy, too, has been quite beneficial in giving me an opportunity to vent and work through issues I’ve faced.

2. My living situation
I live in a big city but am fortunate to have a place with affordable rent. My living situation is such I can support myself with a few part-time jobs that I’ve cobbled together into full-time hours. I do all this while working toward my goal of being a full-time mental health speaker on subjects of loneliness and belonging. But I’m very thankful for this opportunity I have. I don’t feel strapped for cash all the time, which has given me the confidence I need to work toward my goal.

3. Friends and family
While many of my friends and family live far away, I find their encouraging emails, texts, and messages on social media helpful. They keep me going toward my goals, celebrating my successes and encouraging me in my disappointments. It’s nice to know I have a team of people who believe in me and support me in all aspects of my life. My relationships have changed over the years with them. Some people move away and grow distant, but I still feel a general sense of care from others which I truly appreciate.
 
Those are a few of the things I am thankful for, but what about you? What things have made your life happier and for which you are grateful?
 
 
Like what you read? Want to have Kurt come talk to your group about belonging, loneliness, and mental health? Click here to contact him about speaking at your event.

In my attempts to deal with my mental health issues I’ve learned the importance of empathy. I’ve always tried to be a kind, compassionate person. Yet it’s the development of empathy in my life that has caused me to grow the most.

In doing so, I learned to put myself in the shoes of others. At a prior job I had a manager who was quite cruel. She yelled at others. (Never me, though. For some reason she liked me.) She would scream at them and lose her cool on a weekly basis. People couldn’t stand her. It was easier for me to handle because I never came under direct fire from her. Yet when I heard stories of her flying off the handle I thought, “What happened to her to cause her to be so mean? What kind of emotional trauma did she undergo? Or what was her life like that she never learned to communicate her frustration in a productive way?”

While not wanting to minimize the emotional impact her outbursts had on my co-workers, I also tried identifying the hurt she may have experienced that caused her to behave in the manner she did.
 
While not blinded to the fact that cruelty seems baked into the DNA of some people, I’m also ready and willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Some of this comes from my own experiences. From my studies of history I learned violence and struggle don’t appear out of nowhere. People have undergone pain and frustration that gives rise to their actions.

The sooner we can accept that we are individuals with flaws who make mistakes, the sooner we can accept others and their mistakes. Bitterness and anger magnifies in our lives while kindness and empathy often can bring a like return.
 
But how does having empathy for others help with my own mental health? As I learned to empathize with others I realized that to do so also meant I had to do the same for myself. I wasn’t an exception to the rule of trying to understand others’ pain. I had my own experiences I had to put in context. I needed to understand that the reasons I was irritable were because of my depression and fears. I learned that was okay and to forgive myself for having those feelings of frustration with others.
 
I also learned it was fine to cut myself some slack, as I would for others who were going through difficult times. While not excusing my mean or immature behavior, I also put it in context and understand why it happened. Empathy, then, returns dividends not only for relationships with others but with the connection we have with ourselves.
 
This process was not quick and easy. I had to let fall many walls in my life and be honest and acknowledge I was worthwhile. But I want to be a kind, caring person. Yet it’s hypocritical to offer love to others but withdraw it for myself. So I had to take that leap and acknowledge that my kindness and empathy needed given to all people, even me. Acknowledging that everyone deserved empathy gave me permission to begin to put my attitude in perspective. Knowing that everyone needed empathy—and finally acknowledging that meant me, too—opened me up to the beginning of going easy on myself.
 
 
Like what you read? Want to have Kurt come talk to your group about belonging, loneliness, and mental health? Click here to contact him about speaking at your event.