​The road to becoming a speaker is tough. It’s something I explored for a little over a year now. It takes time to get your name out there and to book gigs. With the help of a lot of great people, I’ve learned the business side of the speaking world, which is something I would’ve never been able to pick up on my own. I made some good connections and I know I helped others.

Still, it’s been frustrating. I spend an hour or two each week on social media, promoting my blog posts. I spend the same amount of time writing those entries. I send out between 10 and 20 emails a week to orientation directors, activities departments, and counseling centers at schools. I follow up on those emails once or twice. Yet, I get little response. If schools do respond, they often don’t have the money to bring in mental health speakers. As I said in this post, schools do a great job of saying they want to help students with mental health, but not always putting their money where their mouth is. That’s not to say I expect them to spend cash on hiring me as a speaker, but generally, I don’t see the funding at schools for mental health programs.

The fact of the matter is that I quit a well-paying job over a year ago to focus on mental health speaking and it hasn’t brought in the income I hoped. I've had other work on the side to keep things going and perhaps I should give it more time—another six or twelve months.

But the reason I'm taking a break from speaking is that I came to realize something this past year. In my experiences with college students, my interest is in working with them in a direct manner. I had a lot of difficulty in college and grad school with my mental health. I very much want to work on a regular basis with such students in a university setting to help them work through their issues.

I’m ready to make another transition in my life. I’m going to graduate school for clinical social work. At this point, I’m not sure what graduate school I’ll attend. But, getting that degree will enable me to work at a college counseling center and help students on a daily basis.

For a long time I’ve wanted to do this work but I feared I would not enjoy it or lacked the patience needed. I remember how stubborn and difficult I was in my twenties. I recall how much grief I gave my therapists.

But I am more secure in myself now. I receive a lot of encouragement from my therapists, friends, and strangers who tell me I’d be a good therapist. I’ve matured to the point where I can handle a twenty-something version of myself. And I very much want to help people going through tough experiences.

I will leave my website up for the time being. The things I write about in this blog—loneliness, suicidality, anxiety, depression, and existential issues—are areas in which I will focus my practice. I’m very excited about the possibilities ahead. I'm also eager to utilize the passion I have to help others so they can deal with the mental health issues that I struggled with in the past. If I can help even one person, then it’s worth it. 

I’ve been putting together posts for this blog for over a year. Every week I create a new post and sometimes I’ve posted more than once. People have commented to me that they’re amazed I’m able to come up with new content every week.
 
Sometimes I’m amazed I can do it, too. For those interested in writing about their mental health experiences, there are a few things to keep in mind.
 
1) Be honest
Start by sharing your own story. How did you get to a place of stability? If you’re not there yet, why not? What are the issues you struggle with? Write about those struggles. In a clear, concise manner, dig into what you’re going through. Attending therapy will help you understand better your mental health issues. This may make it easier to write out your feelings and experiences. But make sure they’re your experiences and you’re being honest. People value honesty more than anything. Regardless of whether it’s a success or failure.
 
2) Do your research
I read a lot about loneliness and mental health. For years I poured through magazine and newspaper articles as well as self-help books. I read about suicide, loneliness, depression, and anxiety. Reading as much as I did gave me a better sense of knowing what to write and I felt confident in my knowledge of the subject. That confidence helped my writing to be strong and robust.

3) Keep to your own experience
Don’t write about the mental health issues of others, unless it’s in relation to your own. Let them tell their own story. You don’t know what others are feeling or going through, so focus on you. There’s no quicker way to lose the favor of your readers than by making judgments about things of which you may not know much.

4) Break down your experiences
Instead of writing how you suffered from depression and now you’re not, explore the depression in detailed terms. What were the initial stages of your depression like? What was it like getting diagnosed? (Or if you haven’t been diagnosed, why not?) What were your experiences like with medication? Therapy? Other treatments? Each of these could be a blog entry in itself.

5) Read other blogs and news sites
I have a “favorites” section in my Google news that includes searches on articles about depression, loneliness, and mental health. I skim through those searches once a week and if an article seems interesting, I’ll read it. Perhaps I’ll write a response to it. And if not, it’s keeping me up on what’s going on in the field and it may give me ideas of what I can write about in the future.

What about you? If you're writing about mental health, do you have any tips on what makes for good content? Have you learned any lessons from your experiences writing on mental illness?
  
Like what you read? Want to have Kurt come talk to your group about belonging, loneliness, and mental health? Click here to contact him about speaking at your event.

If there was a team of individuals dropped into your life for five days and their goal was to improve various aspects of it, what would it look like for you?
 
That’s somewhat of the premise of the hit Netflix show, Queer Eye. I’ve always found these fixer-upper shows (whether it’s about people or a house) to be of interest, but something about Queer Eye got my attention.
 
One thing I like about this version of the show (it was on TV before with a different cast) is that it started in Atlanta, Georgia. The latest season (the third) took place in Kansas City, Missouri. I appreciate that the five gay men involved are going to places that may not have as much interaction with those in the LGBT community. The cast interacts with hunters and church-goers, those who aren’t wealthy, and those not from the ivory tower.
 
The five men (Antoni, Bobby, Jonathan, Tan, and Karomo) all address a different aspect of the life of an individual. Antoni helps teach them how to cook, often with an eye toward eating healthy. Bobby remodels their house or apartment, which is often a complete mess. Jonathan handles hair and makeup while Tan deals with clothes. Finally, Karomo works with their mental and emotional health.
 
One of the reasons I love the show so much is the personalities of the characters. They’re unique and fun but also sensitive. They're making the lives of others better, and that’s great to see, especially in a time when people are so quick to tear others down.
 
I also appreciate that their help often addresses mental health. So many people have found their lives beaten down due to not feeling good about themselves or their surroundings, what they eat or how they look. Queer Eye seeks to intervene and improve lives and in doing so can often address their mental health. The characters are sympathetic to the plight of their guests and that is very much needed when it comes to the area of mental health. Karomo, especially, has often intervened and helped others with their anxiety and depression. His calming presence is encouraging.
 
I’ve thought about what changes the Fab Five (as they’re also known) could make in my life. I’m bald and don’t have a beard, so I’m not sure Jonathan could be of much help in that regard, but my skincare routine could probably use some work. Generally my clothes are pretty good, although I wouldn’t turn down a paid shopping spree with Tan. Food-wise I know I could eat more veggies, so Antoni might be able to show me a few quick and easy ways to cook them and incorporate them into meals. Despite what I speak about, I’m interested in finding ways to make connecting with others easier, so I bet Karomo could help me with that. Finally, I’d love to see what Bobby would do with my apartment, although I think it’s in pretty good shape.
 
But that's just me. How would you like to see your life improved by the Fab Five? Are there any of the aspects they tackle that you can deal with on your own or with the help of friends?
 
 
Like what you read? Want to have Kurt come talk to your group about belonging, loneliness, and mental health? Click here to contact him about speaking at your event.

It's scary to put one’s story out there. To really put it out there. When a blog post goes up, it feels as though it’s a drop in the bucket in the sea of personal opinions that comprise the world wide web.
 
But, I shared my story in a book that came out in March of this year titled Lemonade Stand, Volume 2. It’s a short essay of about 1000 words. But it’s a good summary on how I went from a depressed individual to someone who now helps others through my speaking and writing about mental health. And now it’s out there and it’s permanent in print. People I don't know will be able to hold my writing, put it on their bedside table, and have it on hand for years to come. The spine of the book will stare at them from their shelf.
 
The editor of the book, Josh Rivedal, approached me in 2018. I reached out to him earlier in the year asking about guidance for getting into the mental health speaking realm. We corresponded and spoke on the phone and he gave me some good tips and explained how he broke into the field.
 
I wrote my essay and went back and forth with some edits with Josh before finally getting the content settled. I also wrote a short bio. Then I forgot about the book, or at least put it in the back of my mind, as it was going to be many months until it came out.
 
Then, in February of this year, it arrived in the mail. I read what I wrote. It was months since I had seen it. I was happy with how it turned out and how well I felt it expressed my experiences. I read the other writers' stories. Like me, they all took experiences that some might say were bad or difficult and turned them around. I found many to be inspiring. I hoped my tale did the same.
 
I reached out to my hometown newspaper and got an article written about me and the book. I never thought I’d have an article about myself printed in the paper in whose pages I read comics as a kid. Now people in my past were going to know about my experiences with mental health and depression and being in a hospital for attempting to take my life. It’s daunting to put out your faults and failures for all to look at, especially those who know you from your past.

So why did I do this? I believe in my message. I believe things can get better for people. And I know the best way to help others is to share my own message.

Truth and honesty are some of the most important values in my life. Being authentic with others in the hope I can help them is something I admire. So it’s something I’ve sought to do.

As I wrote at the beginning—it’s scary to do this. But I know that it will help others. I know it has helped others. If you’re reading this, know that you don’t have to be a mental health advocate and become a full-time speaker to make a difference in the lives of others. You can start in a simple way—be honest and true with those around you. What would that look like? How can you use your experiences with mental health or loneliness or any other issue that gives you difficulty and use that to help others?


Like what you read? Want to have Kurt come talk to your group about belonging, loneliness, and mental health? Click here to contact him about speaking at your event.

I've written about how I got into speaking on mental health, but never so much why. So why did I decide to put myself out there for others to get to know something that many consider a deep, dark secret?
 
I've always been somewhat of a confessional writer. In the early 2000s I published my horrible poetry and free-ranging rants on my music website, Action Attack Helicopter. I knew I wanted to share thoughts and ideas with others--I thought it might help someone although I'm not sure why. I suppose at some point I got some encouragement here or there from a friend and a few positive words of feedback. That was enough to keep me going.
 
Over the years I've had some zines and blogs and they also received very limited but honest praise. And I also didn't know what else to do--I felt there was a need to express myself. It's part of being a writer; that idea implanted in one's mind that one must share their thoughts.
 
It didn't seem too awkward, then, to transition into being more direct and honest about my mental health issues. No longer did I need to mask it in poorly written poetry or adequate prose. I wrote not only of my struggles but also of answers. I spent hours of time online and researched solutions to issues related to loneliness, anxiety, and bipolar disorder.
 
It's not only about writing, though. It's easy to do that behind a computer, tucked away in my apartment. Yet, I want to speak about loneliness and depression. There are a few reasons why I actually get in front of crowds and speak.

1) I like the immediate reactions. It's wonderful to see people smile or laugh at what you say. Or it's an acknowledgment through a nod that they understand what you're saying. The ability to try and connect with others--and to know you're connecting--is a rewarding feeling.

2) It's a rush. Speaking makes me nervous and I imagine it always will. Yet when you know your topic and can channel it into energy when you speak, it's quite a high.

3) I can see the direct effect of lives changed. It's encouraging and rewarding to have that immediate validation afterward. It's awesome when someone tells you that what you said spoke to them and they can identify with it. That confirmation of what you did and that it had a positive impact on others signals to me that it was a job well done.

I'm not going to lie: it's validating to know I'm changing lives and affecting people. It makes me feel good. But that's something we all seek in our lives. We want to be happy about our existence. So yes, some of this is about what I get out of it. But if I'm going to feel good, I can't think of any better reason than because I'm helping others with my words and speaking.

​Over the past few years I've engaged in mental health advocacy. During that time I’ve noticed there are two avenues by which to tackle issues associated with mental illness.
 
First, there are steps involving awareness. This includes using our experiences with mental health issues to let others know they’re not alone and that life can get better. Also, awareness can include a discussion of how to deal with making mental health a priority in the community and in our lives. This is primarily what I’ve done and continue to do.
 
The second way to spread the word of issues with mental illness is in regards to making changes in our society to better assist those in need. This may include working on passage of legislation to provide better coverage of the mentally ill. It may also mean being a therapist and working in the field. Or it could be that you start a foundation or organization to develop better mental health.

I’ve seen a few organizations that focus on the entire package (National Alliance on Mental Illness). But it seems many groups and individuals take on one or the other. It’s difficult to combine both in a way that is coherent and effective. For most people and groups, it’s far too large to both spread awareness of an issue and fight for economic and legislative concerns related to it.
 
I have done my share of speaking out for good mental health. It’s important to spread the awareness of hope for those in dire straits. When lives are on the line, we need to move.
 
Yet the lack of affordable insurance coverage, the price of medications, and the need for greater mental health services in many areas are all representative of foundational issues that need attention. The handling of these struggles are best done at a larger societal and governmental level. It’s this lack of change on these issues that amounts to placing a band aid over a much larger wound.
 
While I’m aware of the need to save lives, it takes individuals with knowledge of this system to fight for the rights of the mentally ill at governmental levels. At this point in my life as a mental health advocate, these skills are something I haven’t attained or spoken up about much. Yet they’re key if we want to move forward and stop with temporary means to grand problems.
 
There are simple ways we can, as a society and as individuals, act to make systematic changes. We can start by challenging our legislators. We can ask them where they stand on issues related to mental health, and more importantly, what they’re going to do about it. We can ask them to support and propose legislation that will fight for the mentally ill.
 
We also need to not hesitate to elect legislators who are open about their mental illness or have close connections with the mentally ill. Unfortunately, for many politicians, it’s only when they have personal experiences with an issue that they are prone to act.
 
It’s a tough fight for the mentally ill, but it’s only through this combined effort of awareness and action that we will see gains made for our community. 

Besides writing my own blog, I follow the work of others who deal with the topic of mental health, including depression and loneliness. Here are a few I want to highlight.
 
Jordan Brown – Jordan is a recent graduate in social work who is one of the top mental health writers on Medium. He writes encouraging, thoughtful posts that come from a very personal place. Jordan truly has a heart for helping others with their mental health and it shows in his posts.

 
Mike Veny – Mike’s message is a powerful one about how he’s overcome suicide attempts and being expelled from schools as a youth. He’s now a top mental health speaker and someone whose success as a speaker I admire. He works to overcome the stigma that all too often comes with depression.

UnLonely Project -  The UnLonely Project has been featured on the Today Show and in Psychology Today for their work on combating loneliness in our society. They also have a streaming film festival of short films that deal with the topic at their website. Their work seeks to give tools to those dealing with loneliness and tie it in with the arts as a means to combat the issue.

​NAMI Blog – This blog for the National Alliance on Mental Illness covers a range of topics on mental health.  These include insurance, depression amongst teens, and self-care. The blog is updated multiple times a week with posts that are easy to understand and which are quite helpful.

Once someone gets to a point of sharing about their mental health, others can assume, “Well, they’ve got it all together. They’re on top of things.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. In my case, I am stabilized enough to share my experiences with others, but I'm not to a place where I no longer suffer from mental illness.

I am diagnosed with bipolar II and the symptoms associated with that are fairly well under control. I’ve also made a great deal of progress on my anxiety and self-confidence. They’re miles above where they once stood and allow me to function well, without allowing doubts about my self-worth.

But here are the things with which I still struggle:

1. Depression
I get depressed. This is usually related to feeling stuck and bored with what is going on around me. I’m often impatient about the changes I want in my life. When they don’t happen it leaves me disappointed. A lot of my depression is about that disconnect between where I am and what I want my life to be like. This primarily means I want to be in a situation where I can speak and write about mental health. I’m working on changing that.

2. Existential depression
This article pretty well describes that situation. But to summarize, I have, for much of my life, felt like I don’t know what it is I’m here for. This can often lead to feelings of worthlessness and pointlessness with my existence. This is slowly changing as I find that speaking out about mental health has helped me find purpose. But I still have my doubts.

3. Suicidal ideation
I’ve written about suicidal ideation for an article at Medium. This can be a real tough one to handle. When I am stuck I revert back to feeling as though suicide is a proper way out. But I’ve seen time and again it’s not.

So, what about you? If you’ve made improvements in your life, what are you still working on?